I'm still standing

Wow!  Life happens hey. Not so long ago I was the happiest girl, new job, new place and content. Now I am learning to survive again. I don’t how it happened but all I know is that it happened. I got into a “depressed” state just like that. Well I didn’t just become “depressed” there were a few catalysts that added to my misery. Relationships (please note: RelationshipS) gone wrong and not working out. The reason some of them didn’t work out was because of some of the stupid choices I made. I didn’t just wake up from bed and BOOM everything went wrong. It was a build-up of things, that’s why I get mad at myself because surely, if I was smart enough I would have noticed some problems and save some relationships.  Others I decided to walk away from.  I am still mourning some of those relationships because there is love involved.

Anyway, I have been praying and forcing myself to believe that I am not a bad person, some days are better than the others. Thank Goodness for my childhood friends, we’re in different parts of South Africa but I at least know that they have my heart. The other one is here in Johannesburg with me. We don’t see each other all the time but I know she’s a phone call away. She understands that I am a difficult person who likes her space sometimes so she respects that.

When I look back at March, I’m like WOW! All of that nonsense in one month and I am still alive? For me there is no greater pain than emotional pain, my goodness!!! I realised that all these things made me stronger, I am not there yet but I can see myself becoming stronger and stronger.  I have also realised that forgiving other people doesn’t really free you if you haven’t forgiven yourself. It was a process but it was all worth it.

Love prevails.