Ride or die?

That's what's up life :) Bring it on!!!!

Dear Toure

Mooooowaaaa

Its day two and they haven’t called me to say that it was just a prank, the fact that I woke up and it’s not a dream is also making me realise that you left us. It’s not fair though Gazi. I keep on thinking that if you had stayed with every one and not go home to change your top, like you always do; you would still be with us. I must grow up though and realise that these things God has control over. Not us.
Remember that headache I had during the December holidays? The one that started at the back of my neck? Its back chomi, after I heard the news about you no longer being with us it came back. I’m in pain physically and emotionally. I keep on listening to the voicenotes you sent me and going through our whatsapp just to see our texts to eachother.Watching and listening to Beyoncé and Zakes Bantwini will never be the same again, Seeing Bonang and commenting on how great she is, listening to Frank Ocean and going home will be so different without you. Sending and receiving random voicenotes will never be the same. You were the queen of voicenotes kaloku wena G. I just called our friends back home; they are all in one place because of you. I’m in Jhb, alone. Takkies came over to be here for me yesterday, she is gone home now and I am alone again. I’m trying to keep busy and cry less. By now you would have called or sent me a voicenote telling me about “the one that is loved” and getting ready to go to Mnguni’s. I am grateful that we spent the whole New Year’s Day together at Primi’s (crying from laughter because of the events that occurred that morning).

All we have left now are memories of you. Thank you for making us laugh, live, love and always being there with us when we wanted to escape reality.  Also not forgetting our silly fight four years ago, what I don’t remember is how we all ended up talking again. That was the thing about us we didn’t stay mad at each other for long. Sometimes I would see you trying but you loved the ones you loved. Your silent treatments were kind of like pointless. 
Your leaving us (TO SOON) made me realise; that I must act more and procrastinate less, be transparent more and bottle things less.

“I don’t understand how you can hate from outside the club, you can’t even get in”
 I LOVE YOU MY CHCH, till we meet again.

REST IN PEACE Mowa, Gazi, Mponcho, Chch.

xoxoxo
Simnikiwe

Bitter me

Oh my word!! I am not even going to justify my absence. Is it too late to say HAPPY 2013? Hahaha. Three months into the year? Oh well.

I am outing myself. I feel like there should have been a how-to-be-an-adult manual. I have been having a lot of: “I can’t do this growing up thing.” I am forced to be one (adult), so why fight it?

I used to be such a bubbly person, fun to be with, independent at a young age and I used to love adventure. Somehow I have become such a bitter lady, it’s shocking. Heartache and responsibility contributed. I have never liked acting like a victim, so I brushed some feelings away. Only to find out I sometimes blow off steam on the wrong people, pushing people that love me away because of trust issues. Making them pay for what other people did to me. The optimistic Sims became a cynic without realising. It was only when I was wallowing deep in it that I realised that it wasn’t me, also realising that I chose to hold onto pain instead of joy. I let so much darkness put out my light. There was also fighting responsibility because things didn’t work out the way I wanted them to, one of them was stressing about a job and where my next rent and grocery money would come from. (I have never had to stress about something like that ever) I am happy to say that, that’s no longer a problem now. I just hated being thrown in the deep end by life.  

Well, now that I know I am the problem. I shall work on bettering myself. I don’t know if it makes sense but I want to be my old self again, especially now that I know what to avoid or let me say I want my soul to be what it truly is because with these scars I can never be my old self.  Fortunately the bitterness hasn’t reached the core of me.

If you have been a victim of a bitter Sim, I apologise.

I am still young and I have a lot of things to go through, I pray that they make me a better person and not a bitter one.

xoxoxo