Letting GO

I am one person who has letting go issues, like for me when I want to let go of someone I dont understand when the person runs after me. I ask myself why can't this person read between the lines but when it's me I drag the letting go process. I actually force someone into staying. Such selfishness. I know.

I am trying so hard to be one of those people who just say; " ok you don't want me in your life, Im out then." a friend of mine, is one of those people, she just blocks the pain and I have never seen her feeling sorry for herself, she just moves on. You know how people say, if you don't deal with stuff it will catch up with you later on? This statement is not really true. My friend is just fine, I have known her for years now. Lord knows I want that part of her personality. Am I asking for too much? I mean it hurts chasing people to stay in my life, why won't I learn that, that chapter of my life is done?

This year all I want to learn is to let people go, because I am also stopping them from moving on. I don't want this staying in bed for a week business because I am mourning someone leaving me. I hope in 12 months time, I will be a completely different person in the letting go department.

I will learn.

Like I said, this blog is about my Lemons and Lemonade.

xxx

Big sis, Lil sis and the UJ stampede

My sister just matriculated and she had asked me to help her apply at UJ ( My former Varsity). I was excited to play "big sis' and to try help my sister get into UJ, although it was too late, I told my sister lets do it. Lets give it a try. We gave it a shot, not knowing what was awaiting us, we made our way to the UJ Bunting Road Campus. When we got to the gates, the amount of people I saw shock the living day lights out of me. I looked at my sister and she started sobbing. I told myself that I have to do something, I cant let her down, we have to get inside the campus no matter what. through huffing and puffing we manged to get inside. Day one, we didn't win. We were asked to come back following morning, I had a bit of hope. This morning we got up and we were there by 5:30 AM. The line was super long, we were not going to make it inside.

After seeing people pushing and shoving to get in, my sister said to me: "Sis, we dont have to do this it's ok, like we are going to die here". we went across the street and we just watched the whole commotion, we even took pictures. People were getting injured and some were refusing to make way for the ambulances, it was complete chaos. To cut the long story short, I wasn't able to help my little sister but I was so proud of her for telling us to walk away, who knows what would have happened had we not walked away?

The journey is not done yet, but out of all of this I have learn't .......1) that people will not always react, the way you think they will. I was expecting my sister to cry and be miserable and she did the total opposite. 2)I did my best and I have to feel good about it even if the result wasn't what we were looking for.

Lil Sis (Thoko) chilling after a hectic morning.



As long as you try your best, you should feel proud. it might not always turn out as you expected but at least there are no regrets.

Proud Sister :-)

Sim learns to be STILL

It's 2012, A new year and boy is it different! Last month I finished my studies, my contract ended at where I was doing my internship, another opportunity came up before my contract ended. Most people are going back to work, some back to school and some to varsity and I am waiting (it's the don't call us we will call you type of scenario). The thing is: I am used to being "busy", doing something, whether it be going back to school, varsity or work. The problem I was faced with was; I didn't know how to be still, I had heard of this word many times before and I once thought I knew how to be still meanwhile I was on my phone the whole day "relaxing" after a hectic week at work or varsity. Now that I was "forced" to being still (nothing interesting on twitter and facebook). I realised how clueless I was about it all.

In the few days of doing nothing, I have learnt a lot about myself, things I didn't know about myself have now become visible. I will not lie and say it came easy, I had to learn to be still in order to achieve all of this. I now see the need of being still. I believe something positive comes out of it.  I now know where I lack, what I need to work on and what I already posses all because I was "forced" to be still.